New Rules

So now that my health insurance premiums are going up because I will now have to subsidize Fatty McButterpants's health care, I want the right to impose some new rules on my fellow Americans.

1) If you are overweight, you are not allowed to smoke, drink alcohol, or eat fast food.

2) If you are currently thin, you will not be allowed to get overweight. Eating anything fattening is now illegal because it will cause you to gain weight and that will cause problems down the road so let's just cut that out now. Put down that piece of cheesecake and back away. Slowly.

3) Intravenous drug use shall remain illegal. If you are caught using intravenous drugs, you will be shot on sight. I don't want to have to pay for your rehab bills and let's face it, how many of you are really going to turn your lives around rather than relapse?

4) People will be forced to join a gym and exercise for at least 30 minutes a day. And if you can't find 30 minutes to exercise, your employer must allow you to take the time out from work to exercise, just like voting.

5) Smoking is now illegal because it kills and it will cost money to treat people with lung cancer. C'mon America, we can put those cigarette companies out of business.

So let's start with those new rules and see where that gets us. I'm sure the founding father would be so proud of us right now.

And Another Thing Vonnegut, I'm Stopping Payment On The Check

The title of the post refers to something Rodney Dangerfield's character said in the classic 80's movie BACK TO SCHOOL. And that is the spirit of my post to President Obama and the Democrats in Congress.

Since we are now living in a world where they don't feel bound by the will of the people, I present my list of demands to them.

1) I want a good job that pays me over $250,000. They said that it is everybody's right to have a good job. Well, I am now demanding that they give me one. And it can be one of those green jobs that they're always talking about. I'm not picky.

2) I am also demanding that operation I've been putting off because it's really elective surgery but now that healthcare is a Constitutional right (although I've read it and cannot find that amendment in there), I want my surgery. And I demand that they pay for it.

3) I demand that they provide me with a good car to drive. They already own GM so they could give me one of those. It's my right as an American to have a car. And it's okay if it's a hybrid but it must have satellite radio and a sunroof because, according to them, it's my Constitutional right to have a good car with a warranty backed by the federal government.

Mr. Obama, will you have someone from your office call me and look into getting me those things? Thanks, you're a sport.

Congratulations Democrats, You Now Own It

Congratulations Democrats! On Sunday night, by a vote of 219-212, you voted to take control of the health care industry. You will now mandate what type of insurance that people can buy and how much they will pay for it. You have also exempted yourselves, other members of Congress, the President, the VP, and of course, the staff members who wrote the bill. How egalitarian of you. Are you familiar with the words of the Declaration of Independence that proclaim that all men are created equal? Probably not.

Guess what? You now own the health care system and all the broken promises that will go with it. You have added another $2 trillion dollar entitlement to our federal budget. May I remind you that we already have a $14 trillion federal debt that is bankrupting the country? How on God's green Earth are you going to pay for this? Oh, and how are you going to pay for the looming insolvency of Social Security and Medicare? Wait, I can see your idea now - cut defense spending and raise taxes. Oh, and by raise taxes, I'm not talking about letting the Bush tax cuts expire. I'm talking about President Obama having to go on TV and talking about raising the top bracket to 70%. How do you think that will go over?

The people reminded you again and again that the top issue on their agenda was the economy, jobs, and the deficit. And you ignored them. You have decided to impose your will on the people despite the fact that they didn't want it. I suppose you're betting that in November, the people will have forgotten about it. I suppose you think in November your Democratic party operatives will get people out to the polls by proclaiming that if the Republicans take over, they will take away their health care.

Well, I'm going to take that bet and lay odds that the people won't forget and that you will lose at least 80 seats in the House.

You're also betting that even when the Republicans take over, they won't have the spine to repeal it. I'm going to bet you're wrong on that too. When 59% of the people want something done, it usually gets done.

You have also changed the political rules. When the Republicans have a supermajority, and they will have a supermajority at some point in the future, do not complain when they do something you don't like by a party line vote. You have set the new rules. Don't be surprised when they use them.

I still believe that America is a great country and the people will not roll over and let you take it away from them. You ignored the 59% of the American people who didn't want this bill. Clearly, you don't think those 59% will do anything about it. But I bet they will.

And if they don't, then this is not the America I know.

Exactly!

SO every day when I drive to the gym I pass one of those fancy schmancy west coast Liberal private schools for kids who are probably too young to go to private school. They have a large marquee out front where, each and every day, I get to read some progressive political missive that says something like "schools not guns" or "war is not the answer"... you know, the usual Liberal tropes.

But today I drove by and they've put the following message up: RESPONSIVE GOVERNMENT: PERHAPS AN OXYMORON?

I'm seriously considering going back there tonight with a ladder and a sign that says "YES IT IS, SO WHY ARE YOU LIBERALS ALWAYS ASKING FOR MORE OF IT!?"

Warning: Christians engaging in (gasp!) Marketing!

Great piece at Big Journalism today... which may or may not have been written by a delegate to the Continental Congress.

The unfortunate symbolism of an iconic bumper sticker

I was driving to work on Friday in bright West Coast sunshine, sitting in traffic behind one of a dozen cars still sporting their "HOPE" bumper stickers with the iconic red, white, and blue caricature of Obama gazing into a bright Hopeychangey future and something occurred to me.

It's been well over a year now since those stickers were first affixed to their cars... two years in some cases... and those bumper stickers have started to display an unfortunate symbolism.

See after two years in the bright California sun, the blue has faded to grey and the red has faded to orange... and much like all the promises of hope, change, post-partisanism, and post-racialism... the Obama mistqiue has begun to fade as well.

So if you're still clinging to your Obama bumper sticker here in the second year of his presidency, you might want to reconsider whether or not you want to keep reminding me every day of all the failed promise of this rapidly souring Presidency.

Just a thought.

Why Olbermann is failing

I think I understand exactly what was going through Olbermann's mind when he first conceived his show. He thought to himself, you know, I see Hannity and O'Reilly going on TV every night and screaming their Right-Wing message for an hour, and lo and behold, the 40% of Americans who describe themselves as "Conservative" tune in hoping to hear their views reflected back at them, and thereby feel comforted. He probably then went on to convince himself that if he were to just do the same thing, but from a Leftist perspective, then the 40% of Americans who describe themselves as "Liberal" would provide him with the exact same kind of bulletproof ratings that Hannity and O'Reilly enjoy.

Here's the problem with what Olbermann actually did... he forgot to actually watch Hannity or O'Reilly's show before he launched his own. When you watch Keith's show, you get the impression that he was trying to duplicate what his Liberal friends TOLD him Hannity and O'Reilly were doing, rather than what they ACTUALLY do.

Because the reality is that whatever else Hannity and O'Reilly do, they respect their audience, and more importantly, they respect those who disagree.

Olbermann never has and never will.. which is why he called Scott Brown, a man who probably agrees with Olbermann on more issues than he disagrees, "an irresponsible, homophobic, racist, reactionary, ex-nude model, teabagging supporter of violence against women and against politicians with whom he disagrees."

Let's contrast that with Hannity's show. I haven't watched him in years, but back when O'Reilly was his lead-in and he shared his stage with Alan Colmes, I watched both shows almost every day. And since Hannity is the biggest idealogue of the two most popular personalities on Fox News (I have never watched Glenn Beck so I can't comment on him), let's focus on Sean for a minute.

Here's what I saw on Hannity's show. He and Alan would bring on guests from ALL SIDES of the political spectrum, and then they would take turns interviewing that guest from their own point of view without interrupting each other. So if Hannity spent his portion of the interview asking the guest "aren't you just a communist who wants to take away all our freedoms?", Alan would redirect the questioning and ask "isn't everything Sean just said bullshit?".

In this way, both points of view were aired IN THEIR ENTIRETY, in the end Sean and Alan respectfully agreed to disagree, and viewers were left to make their own judgement about what they just heard.

Keith never does this. He's a cowardly bomb thrower who hides in his studio and would never EVER show the kind of courage it takes to come out from behind his desk and debate a personality like Scott Brown, or Michelle Bachman, or Sarah Palin. I don't know Keith personally, but he doesn't seem that difficult to psychoanalyze... he's used to being the smartest guy in the room, he's used to dominating a conversation, and he's terribly insecure. Having a smart, two-way, give-and-take debate just isn't something his psychology allows him to handle.

And so he's created some weird, bastardized, Frankenstein's monster version of what his diseased mind has convinced him Hannity and O'Reilly have been doing every night for years.

And it's no surprise he's failing.

He has completely, and irretrievably, missed the entire point.